Pros and Cons
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: Natsu finally does it. He makes a list comparing Lucy and Lisanna to figure out which is the better partner. Too bad it doesn't turn out the way he wanted...especially when Mirajane sends Laxus after him! - One-shot.


Pros and Cons

"Mmmm…Lisanna smells nice."

"Yeah, but so does Lucy."

"Then mark it down for both of them."

Natsu quickly wrote down the aforementioned pro on both girls' list. "Alright, well, con, Lucy yells at us a lot."

"Pro, Lisanna doesn't."

"Con, Lisanna's kinda clingy."

"Pro, Lucy has an apartment that she shares with us. You know, for after we finish or whatever."

Natsu frowned at that one. "Yeah, but Lisanna would let us stay with her too."

"But she lives with Mira."

"And?"

"And Elfman."

Shiver. "Alright. Con it is."

"Ooh!" Happy jumped up then from where he was sitting next to Natsu. They were actually in Lucy's apartment as she was off at the guild doing something or other. Whatever. It gave them the perfect desk to use for their task anyhow.

"Pro, Lucy's got tons of stuff to shift through in her apartment. Again, for after."

"Alright. You sure are concerned with after though."

"Well, of course I am." Then Happy frowned. "Con, she also constantly feels the need to tease me."

"Only 'cause you tease her."

"Yeah, and?"

Rolling his eyes, he added it. "Okay, well, pro, Lisanna is, like, obsessed with me."

"That could be a con too though," Happy told him. "She'll only get even more obsessive when we're in an enclosed space."

"Guess you're right. But I still want it to be a pro. She's always wanted to be a partner with me. At anything."

"Hmmm…Pro for Lucy! She's friends with Plue," Happy said. "And he's one of our friends. Maybe he can join in. He's so tiny, he won't hardly take up any space!"

"Hmmm. Good point." Mark that one down as a definite pro.

"Con for Lisanna," Happy went on. "She's not as good at catching fish as Lucy."

"Con for them both, really. They suck at it compared to me."

"Us, you mean."

Natsu nodded. "So con for Lucy because I really never know what she's so mad about. Ever."

"You never know what anyone's mad about."

"But she's the one that's mad the most at me. Like I still don't know why she got mad at me yesterday."

"Natsu, you pushed her into the river."

"Yeah, on accident."

"Yeah, but she didn't know that because we started laughing after and didn't help her out."

"Hmmm. That sounds like a good point, but…"

Happy sighed then. "Hey, do you think Lisanna can turn into a fish?"

"Hmmm?"

"That might help us out. If she could. She could lead the other fish to us!"

"Alright. We'll mark that down as a pro with a question mark, huh?"

They sat around for an hour at least, debating and reorganizing the list. Counting the cons and pros for both girls over a hundred times. And eventually, they came to a conclusion. At the same time, Happy and Natsu looked at one another and screamed,

"Both!"

* * *

><p>It was a rather slow day at the guild. That meant that Mirajane got to slack off a little, leaving Kinana to take care of the few patrons and Lisanna to clean up around the place some. And as the Master was out (there's no way she'd dare do it if he wasn't for fear of being reprimanded), she was currently seated in Laxus' lap, taking a extra long break as her new husband kept messaging her shoulders or kissing her neck. And, super gross, whispering things in her ear.<p>

Lucy was almost completely disturbed, but also somewhat used to it. Since their wedding about a month ago, Laxus hadn't left on a single job request and Mirajane seemed to be paying him as much attention as possible to keep him around.

Truly sickening.

"You'd think that they'd have some couth," Erza remarked, following Lucy's gaze as they sat side by side at a table.

"Laxus?"

"Well, not him, but Mirajane usually is more levelheaded."

"Now, now," Gray teased as he took a long sip from his mug of ale. "You two sound jealous."

"Jealous?" Erza snorted, holding her head up higher. "Hardly."

"Yeah, jealous of what? That she has a scarred maniac kissing on her? Sick."

"I can fucking hear you," Laxus growled from across the room as Mirajane only giggled.

"If it's any consolation," Lisanna called over from behind the bar. "I think it's pretty nasty too."

"Shut up, brat," Laxus grumbled as Mira gave her sister a look. "Before I fucking fry you."

"Hey!"

Mira batted his chest. "Behave, Laxus."

With a grunt, his head went back to resting on her shoulder, glaring out at everyone else. As disgusting as their love was and off-balanced, Lucy did have to admit, sometimes it's pretty cute.

Just then, the guild doors opened with a bang and everyone groaned when they saw who came through. Even Erza hung her head slightly and shook it.

"Hey, Lucy! Lisanna! C'mere." Natsu walked further into the building, Happy circling overhead. "I have something I need to talk to you two about."

"Great," Lucy grumbled as she stood up. "What is it?"

"Yeah." Lisanna slowly sat the beer mug she was cleaning down before walking around the bar and coming over to him. "What's up, Natsu?"

"Just c'mere." He looked around. "This needs to be kept private."

"Yeah," Happy agreed. "Very private."

"Well, let's step outside if-"

"No way. Too many people out there too." Natsu took Lucy's hand and drug her over to a corner of the guild, Lisanna following. The two women shared an eye roll, but Natsu and Happy didn't notice.

"So what did you want, Natsu?" Lucy asked as he let her go, Lisanna coming to stand next to her. He only turned to face them with a big grin on his face.

"I just wanted to announce to you both that I've officially decided."

"Decided what?" Lisanna asked as Lucy gave him a suspicious look.

"On my partner."

"For what?" Lucy asked. "I thought we already were partners."

"Not teammates, Lucy," Happy corrected. "Partners. You know, _partners_?"

She blinked while Lisanna only blushed.

"Y-You what?" the silver haired woman asked, looking off.

"I made a list, see, of pros and cons-"

It was Lucy's turn to be outraged. In a much louder voice, she yelled, "You what? You made a list? Comparing us?"

"Well, duh," Natsu said, frowning at them. "How else would I decide?"

Lisanna wanted to be outraged, but part of her had always kinda sort of wanted Natsu, even after she got back from Edolas. Her breath was coming up short as she looked him in the eyes.

"W-What did you decide?" she asked slowly.

He grinned at them then. "Both of you! I want both of you! I love ya both and-"

"You asshole!" Lucy actually landed an uppercut on him then, causing Happy to dive for cover, fearing he was next. "Are you serious right now? I mean you've done some rotten things, but-"

"Ah!" Natsu fell back on his butt. "What did I do?"

"What did you do?" Lucy continued to rave, her own blush forming. "You can't be serious. You-"

"A-Are you kidding, Natsu?" Lisanna asked, still staring at him in shock. "Because-"

"Of course not. I love you both and can't chose between-"

"You really are sick," she cut him off then before stepping rather hard on his foot. If Natsu wasn't already on the ground, he would have fallen at that.

"Ow! What is with you two? I thought you would be-"

"How dare you ever even think that we would want you, Natsu," Lucy growled, glaring at him. "You're filth! I can't believe we were ever friends!"

"Yeah!" Lisanna literally spit at him then. "You too, Happy. You guys suck!"

"Never talk to me again!"

"Me neither!"

Most everyone had heard the end of that fight, but as Natsu sat there on the ground, he could tell that only the table closest to them had heard the full thing. And after he slowly got to his feet, confused and dazed, he headed over.

Erza, who was blushing deeply, couldn't meet his eyes. "I cannot believe that you, Natsu, of all people-"

"You got some balls, man. I'll never doubt you again," Gray laughed. He was still pretty rattled too though by what he had overheard. "I mean, asking Lisanna and Lucy to both be your girlfriends? I-"

"What?" Natsu was rubbing Lisanna's spit off his face then with his scarf and glared at Gray then at his words. "I didn't do that!"

"We heard everything, Natsu. I am already disappointed in you," Erza said with a shake of her head. "No need to add lying to the list of things you have-"

"He didn't though," Happy insisted as he landed at the table. "We were asking them to be our partners."

"Yeah," Natsu insisted. "You know, for the fishing contest?"

Gray blinked. Then, slowly, he sat his mug down. "F-Fishing contest?"

"Yeah! And the boat's real small, so only a few people can go," Natsu said, speaking quickly then, wanting to explain himself as soon as possible. "We were deciding which to ask, but then we figured if we all squeezed, we could all fit! And that'd be great, because-"

"Dragneel!"

That voice. Gulping, Natsu turned to find Laxus was no longer smooching on his new wife. Oh no. He was on his feet, his breath coming out in short huffs as Lisanna stood on his one side, glaring at Natsu, Mira on the other, looking downright shocked. And Lucy was over there too, seeming near tears.

"L-Laxus, you don't get-" Natsu tried, but it was too late. Laxus was stalking over, cracking his knuckles as he came.

"Did you or did you not just ask _my new baby sister_ for a fucking threesome with that blonde idiot?"

"Hey!" Lucy yelled, but Laxus ignored her.

"I didn't! Ew. No. I-"

"I'm going to fucking rip you apart, you freak. Lisanna's not your fucking play thing," he growled. He was close then and, for once, Natsu didn't seem to think he could win the fight. That was probably due the fact that he had tried to fight Laxus (once again) last week and ended up with his brains scrambled after one punch. In a few more weeks, yeah, he'd be dumb enough to think he could take the guy, but not enough time had passed yet. "And your fucking cat too? I don't give a damn what you do with animals, but when you try to add my family to the mix-"

"I didn't!"

"Get him, Laxus," Lisanna called over as Lucy crossed her arms. Mirajane still seemed confused, but for once, didn't call for Laxus to behave, her usual command to keep him inline. Gray looked to Erza then.

"Should we explain-"

"Not this time," she said before shaking her head. "Natsu has been rather annoying recently."

"Yeah, but-"

"You may do something, if you'd like, but I'm going to wait a minute. Let Laxus at least rough him up some first."

Gray thought about it before nodding. "It'll do his brain some good.

"Run, Happy!" Natsu yelled at his blue Exceed who had taken to the air and was getting out of the guild as fast as possible, his friend not far behind. Laxus didn't give chase though. He only shot a single bolt of lightning from his hand, charging up quickly, letting it strike Natsu, who fell almost immediately.

"Don't kill him, Laxus," Mira called over then. "I don't think Master would like that."

"It's what Elfman would do if he were here," Lisanna claimed, causing her sister to give her a look.

"You gonna say something now?" Gray asked Erza who only shrugged.

"One more bolt," she sighed. "I think I like him better scatterbrained. More silent that way."

Gray frowned before shrugging. She did have a very, very valid point. Besides, now that Mirajane had ordered it, Laxus wouldn't kill Natsu. He just wouldn't. It'd teach him a lesson though.

Because no matter what the reason, it's never a good idea to compare two women and then inform them about it. Never.


End file.
